WEDNESDAY IV - November 7

"Where the hell's the paper this morning, Leah?" Gary asked as she came in the room.
"We always hold it up a day so we can get the election results in," Leah reminded him. "They're still tabulating a few precincts yet."
"Oh yeah," Lee said. "Have you got anything yet?"
"Both the county commissioners who were up for re-election are going back," Leah said. "I assume you already know who won the state stuff–"
"Yeah, it's here in the Casper paper," Gary said.
"That public works guy up in Loose Cannon got elected mayor, so there's sure to be a scandal brewing when he realizes he has to quit his job if he wants to serve," Leah continued.
"What about here?" Gary demanded.
"We still don't know yet," Leah said. "God help me, but the mayor's race is really, really close."
"Between who and whom?"
"Actually, three whos," Leah said. "Sherwood, Colson AND Buford. That's what's taking so long; dealing with the write-ins."
"God help us all," Gary said. "Are there really enough people in this town dumb enough to take those ads seriously?"
"Apparently," Leah said worriedly. "Jesus, I don't want to serve the last two years of my term with a drunken lunatic in charge."
"You wouldn't be the first one to do that, schnookie," Rex said. "We've all been there, haven't we?"
"Well, yeah," Gary acknowledged, "But Gordie and all of them bathed, at least."
"You know, speaking of Buford and all" Walt said. "Will Garrett still says it wasn't him placing those ads. He swears up and down it's not him. So is it?"
"It's complicated," Leah said evasively.
"No it isn't," Gary said. "Either he was or he wasn't buying these from you. Was he?"
"Well, no," Leah said.
"Then who was?" Gary demanded.
Leah, Tad and Rex exchanged looks. Rex shrugged.
"Kim Huffnagle," Leah said.
"Oh, that cigar-chomping old crank used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Walt asked. "Kind of funny, mousy hair? Scraggly beard? Weird eyebrows? Really dark eyes? That guy?"
Leah and Rex blinked hard at this. "That's the one. Do you know him well?" she asked.
"Oh... not real well... He bored me to tears. Actually put me to sleep once with that story about the hole he dug. He had to describe every shovelful of dirt, and then phhht! I was out like a light," Walt shook his head. "Missed two calls on my cell phone and I still don't know who it was."
"Two calls, huh?" Rex said.
"Yup."
"When was this?" Leah asked.
"Umm... You know, I'm not sure. A while ago," Walt said.
"What did he do for a living, anyway?" Leah asked, trying to sound casual.
"He, uh... He... I'm sure he told me once. Too bad I can't remember," Walt said.
"Rex," Leah whispered to her friend, "Did something about what he said sound familiar to you by any chance?"
"Ohhhh yeah," Rex said under his breath.
"My dad said almost exactly the same thing at Sunday dinner when I asked if he remembered Kim," Leah said. "I swear it was word for word the same thing. 'Out like a light' and everything."
"Oh, you missed yesterday, Leah," Rex said. "Caleb said the exact same thing yesterday. Twice. Didn't even realize he was repeating himself from what I could tell."
"Two of my clerks are saying the same thing," Tad said quietly to the pair of them. "Even to the 'missed two calls' bit."
"If this gets any weirder... I don't know what I'm going to do," Leah said.
"If what gets any weirder?" Walt said from across the tables.
"Nothing," Leah said to the group. "We're just talking about how odd it is that Danny has started making sense."
"Actually, his little editorial this week was pretty good," Walt said. "But I'd figured you'd just written it for him."
"So he really did write that thing about how schools should get stuff from local businesses for their fundraisiers?" Paul asked. "I thought you'd ghosted it, too. You or Ellen."
"Ellen the shop-at-hom-nazi?" Rex said. "Yeah, there are shades of Ellen in there."
"Well, Danny has always had a little crush on my sister, I think," Leah said. "At any rate, his girlfriend HATES her. But yeah, he wrote it. Didn't even have any typos," she marveled.
"Well, that does it. Something funny is going on. No such thing as no typos in the Reader," Paul said.
"I didn't say none in the paper. There's always one or two of those; how can there not be when two people are trying to fill 24 pages every week? But there wasn't anything wong in his column, and it was the last thing he filed. Usually the last thing you file is a sloppy, slapdash mess!" Leah said.
"I'd say the whole paper is a slapdash mess if you can't even tell us who placed the Buford for Mayor ad this week," Gary said suddenly.
"Oooh!" Rex said, looking over at Gary. "Hostile!"
"Well, dammit, what's she trying to hide, anyway?" Gary demanded.
"I'm not hiding anything, I told you already," Leah said. "It was Kim Huffnagle."
"Oh, that cigar-chomping old crank used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Gary asked. "Kind of funny, mousy hair? Scraggly beard? Weird eyebrows? Really dark eyes? That guy?"
Leah coughed up a mouthful of coffee and just barely kept herself from spraying it onto the table. "What did you say?" she said as though choking.
"I just asked if you were talking about that cigar-chomping old crank that used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Gary said.
Rex took Leah's hand in a gesture of support as she asked the follow-up question. "Yeah. Did you know him well?"
"Oh... not real well. I mostly avoided him... He bored me to tears. Actually put me to sleep once with that story about the hole he dug. He had to describe every shovelful of dirt, and then phhht! I was out like a light," Gary shook his head. "Missed two phone calls from people looking for my son."
Leah got up suddenly, threw her hands in the air, and stalked off to the bathroom muttering to herself.
"What's wrong with HER?" Deirdre asked as Leah passed her.
"Bad fit of deja vu, I think," Rex said, pulling out a chair for her. "Come on and sit down, baby. You're just in time to pay for coffee."
"You havent' run the numbers yet?" Deirdre said. "Damn! Thought I'd beat it today."
"That was an old gambit before you and your daddy had ever even heard of Big Fittings," Gary said, smirking and handing her a clean cup.
"Yeah, yeah. So seriously, what's up with Leah?"
"She's got her undies in a bundle because we want to know who placed that nasty ad for Buford for mayor this week," Gary said.
"She's already told us twice, though," Paul pointed out. "I'd be pissed off, too."
"It wasn't Will Garrett this time?" Deirdre asked.
"No... It was... Leah or I will tell you after coffee," Rex said, waving an impatient hand in the air. "It's getting a little annoying."
"And a lot weird," Paul said.
"Oh, so you've noticed, have you?" Rex looked surprised.
"Sure I have. There's two different versions of the Reader floating around from a couple of weeks ago. You don't think I'd notice that?" Paul said hotly.
"What the Sam Hill you talking about, Black?" Gary asked grumpily.
"Oh, just me being nit-picky again, I suppose. I'll have to ask Leah about it before I can tell you," Paul said.
"Good God, you people usually don't sound this weird until at least February," Deirdre said. "We'd better get you out on your snowmobiles quick before you really lose it."
"Too late," Rex said with a sad little smile.
"Ummm...." Paul said.
Leah returned to her seat in silence.
"It's going to be okay," Rex murmured to her. "We'll figure all of this out yet."
"Yeah, but what's it going to take?" she whispered.
"We'll figure it out. Just don't... Just don't mention his name again this morning, hmm? I'm getting a little tired of hearing that story or whatever it is."
"God, that's freaking me out," Leah said through teeth clenched in a forced smile.
"You and me both, schnookie."
"And me," Tad added.
"All right," Gary said, looking up at the clock. "I've got a doctor's appointment in ten minutes. Listen up, One to 1000..."

TUESDAY IV - November 6

"So, have you all voted yet?" Gary asked as he sat down among his friends.
"Oh, I'll probably head up after lunch," Kevin said. "I always round up the girls and Marion and we vote together. Long tradition."
"Aww, that's sweet," Gary said a trifle mockingly.
"One thing that will be nice; at least no more political ads on the TV and stuff," Lee said.
"I'll miss Will Garrett's crap in the paper, though," Gary said. "That's the best thing in it, these days."
"I think it's pretty stupid, myself," Deirdre said. "But it's a free country."
"Well, I already voted," Gary said, "So I'm ready for all of it to stop."
"Me, too. Did that dingbat Zabrowskie stop you while you were leaving to ask you who you voted for?" Deirdre asked.
"Yes, and I told him if he had to ask, he really didn't know me," Gary replied.
"Hah! I should have said that," Deirdre said.
"You're not going to believe this," Lee said, passing the carafe around to Gary, "But Danny Zabrowskie actually stayed awake through our whole meeting last night."
"You sure he didn't paint eyeballs on his eyelids or something?" Gary asked suspiciously.
"Well, he didn't snore anyway," Lee said. "And he took notes, which he never does. Leah must have put the fear of god into him."
"Or maybe he's just decided to start doing his job," Rex said.
"Same thing," Gary said.
"I don't know how she puts up with that weirdo," Kevin said, shaking his head. "Except she's pretty weird herself."
"We should just be glad they're not dating or anything," Gary said. "They'd make the freakin' weirdest kids ever."
"I hear you're about to be a grandpa again," Kevin said to Gary. "Third kid?"
"Fourth, counting my stepson's kid," Gary nodded.
"Oh yeah. When is Cathy due?"
"June, I think. Yeah, June."
"That's when I'm getting married, we decided," Roger said.
"Still can't believe you're doing that again," Gary said.
"What can I say? I lost my mind," Roger smiled. "Actually, our dogs decided," he said, scratching Maker's Mark under the chin. "Hey," he said to Mark. "Deirdre's got some toast over there. Got get it! Go get it!"
"Dammit, Roger! I was actually going to get to finish a piece," Deirdre said.
"It's okay, it's okay," Suzie said, "We had some heels today, so Mark gets his own toast," and she set down a plate next to Roger.
"God, what a spoiled hound," Roger said, breaking off a piece for the dog. Mark, however, had made his way around the table to put his head in Deirdre's lap.
"Hey! This is my toast! Mine! Go bug your dad!" she said, making a throwing motion. Mark, fooled again, dove under the tables, his wagging tail briefly visible between the gaps like a periscope before he emerged in front of Roger.
"I can't believe that worked," Gary said. "Mine would still be there begging. And here I thought Mark was the smart one."
"Oh no, Lily's the smart one, Mark is the pretty one," Roger said.
"Holy– I'm going to tell her you said that next time I see her. Hey, how come we never see her?" Deirdre demanded.
"Because I want to keep her around," Roger stuck his tongue out at his sister-in-law.
"Good point. Don't let her meet my husband," Deirdre said, munching her toast.
Her friends smiled their agreement, and for a while everyone's attention went to the silent TV screen. The stock market was down again, so only Rex was smiling. "Almost low enough for me to buy in some more," he muttered gleefully.
"So, I went in to see Leah yesterday afternoon about an ad, and, is it just me or is she getting a little obsessive about that dead guy?" Roger asked.
"She mentions him now and then, yeah," Rex nodded.
"What dead guy?" Caleb asked.
"What was his name... Jeeze, it's only been a few weeks, you'd think I could remember..." Gary said.
"Kim Huffnagle," Rex said.
"Oh, that cigar-chomping old crank used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Caleb asked. "Kind of funny, mousy hair? Scraggly beard? Weird eyebrows? Really dark eyes? That guy?"
"Yeah, you mentioned he hung out there sometimes," Rex said, eyes narrowing. "Did you know him very well?"
"Oh... not a lot... He bored me to tears. Actually put me to sleep once with that story about the hole he dug. He had to describe every shovelful of dirt, and then phhht! I was out like a light," Caleb shook his head. "Missed two service calls."
"Interesting," Rex said.
"Dewey and Lane used to make fun of the way he talked, I remember. They spent a lot more time around him than I did," Caleb continued.
"How did he talk?" Rex asked.
"Oh, real slowly, and he repeated himself a lot. And always really quiet; you really had to listen to hear him. And then you'd tune in and it would be that same... damn... story.... Always with the... Huh?"
"What?" Gary asked.
"I didn't quite catch what you said, is all," Caleb said.
"None of us said anything. You were telling us about... that guy..." Gary said.
"Oh yeah..." Caleb said. "Well... Yeah."
"Anyone else remember him really?" Rex asked.
"Who?" Kevin said.
Rex sighed. "She's right. This does get tedious," he murmured. "Kim Huffnagle."
"Oh, that cigar-chomping old crank used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Caleb asked. "Kind of funny–"
"You said that already," Rex said, cutting him off. "I'm wondering if anyone ELSE knew him."
"I think he was here for happy hour once," Kevin said. "But I wouldn't swear to it. To tell the truth, I always get him and Buford mixed up."
"That's interesting," Rex said.
"Dammit, Wainwright, you're starting to sound like some kind of shrink. 'That's interesting,'" Gary said.
"Well, it is," Rex said. "Do you remember where he worked, Kevin?"
"I'm not sure he did work," Kevin said. "Unless... No, Buford's the garbage man, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then no, I don't think he did work," Kevin finished.
"Where'd he live?" Rex asked again.
"Don't know that, either."
"You know, you do sound awful funny about this stuff, Rex," Roger opined. "You and Leah both. What is it about this guy that's bugging you so much? He was just some drifter, wasn't he? Who died?"
"Maybe," Rex said. "I don't know, there are just some things that don't fit. Things I can't make up my mind about."
"Well, maybe stop fussing about that and start thinking about what I'm going to do about my washing machine," Gary said. "Or are you in the P.I. business now instead?"
"I told your wife yesterday there isn't much I can do," Rex said patiently. "The thing is, what, we figure 30 years old at least? Certainly you got your money's worth out of it. Anyway, I can't even get parts of it any more. You're just going to have to suck it up and buy a new one."
"Or there's one for sale in the classifieds," Lee said.
"No, my wife called on that Friday. They'd already sold it," Caleb cut in.
"Rex, you send out your gremlins again? Me, Caleb... didn't Kevin just get a new machine from you?" Gary said.
"Yeah, I did. Marion loves it, but she can't reach to the bottom. Large capacity. Damn, it's funny to watch her try," Kevin said.
"How'd you sell her a large capacity washer?" Gary said.
Rex opened his mouth to speak, but Kevin rushed to his defense. "Hey, Leah and Ellen both come up every weekend to do their laundry. We need it."
"When are you going to get them married off and on their own making grandbabies like they should be?" Gary asked.
"They're both too independent, I think," Kevin said ruefully. "Well, except for their laundry."
"Ah, one of these days someone'll crack 'em," Rex said. "My girls are just as bad. I told you about my funny little phone call the other day, didn't I?"
"Which one?" Kevin asked.
"I almost hung up on the poor kid. It was Saturday evening and I was finishing my dinner, and the phone rang and this kid says 'Is this Mr. Wainwright?' And I said 'Sure,' and he said 'This is Jamie Seaver, Mr. Wainwright.' And I almost hung up on him, I thought he was a telemarketer – I never knew Jamie's last name or anything – and then he says 'I'm calling to get your permission to ask Jessica to marry me.' And I finlly realized who he was and I said 'Sure, take her off my hands; she's getting a little long in the tooth.'
"And," Rex continued, looking at Kevin. "Jessica is four years older than Ellen. So there's always hope. Though I have to admit, just because she's getting married doesn't mean she's going to have kids. They'd spoil her figure for dancing."
"She's still dancing?"
"Houston Ballet Theater," Rex said proudly. "Not bad for a little girl from Big Fittings learned her early dancing upstairs above the saddle shop."
Gary started to laugh. "I remember when she and my daughter were in that recital when they were in elementary school," he said. "Jessica had her arm in a cast and Maggie had a big ol' black eye from when they'd gotten into a fight on the monkey bars."
"I still have a picture of that," Rex agreed. "The two of them standing there in their tutus and cowboy boots. Oh, and wasn't Maggie missing her front teeth then?"
"Yeah. The two of them looked more like hockey players than ballerinas."
"I remember that!" Caleb said. "I think it was my baby brother who knocked Maggie off the bars!"
"I think you're right," Gary said. "He always was a little shit. Where is he now?"
"State pen," Deirdre said.
"How'd you know that?" Caleb asked.
"I put him there," Kevin said.
"Oh."
"Wasn't he the one who kept claiming he'd seen Big Foot up in the Battle Mountains when he was in high school?" Deirdre said. "I remember hearing about this."
Caleb sank down in his chair.
"No, that was Caleb," Kevin said. "But he admitted later that he was stoned out of his gourd. Who was it you saw, actually?"
"My Uncle Jack," Caleb muttered.
"Oh Jesus," Rex said. "If I were liquored up and up in the mountains in the middle of the night, I'd probably mistake your Uncle Jack for Bigfoot, too."
"But it wasn't the middle of the night," Kevin teased.
"It was the '70s," Caleb said. "I was young and stupid."
"Yes you were," Kevin said. "Still, you should have known something was up when 'Big Foot' shot a whole in your keg."
"Hey, who says Big Foot doesn't have a gun?" Caleb said.
"Everybody," Gary said.
"Whatever. It was a long time ago," Caleb said.
"Well, Kanebrain, some of us have a living to make," Rex said.
"Point taken. Listen up..."

MONDAY IV - November 5

"Did anyone else hear that mountain lion screaming down by the riverbottom last night?" Lee asked as he took his seat.
"We were just talking about that a few minutes ago," Gary said. "Not sure if it was a mountain lion, but I think I heard something big."
"Maybe it was Mike Cuthbertson's lion come to eat the rest of him," Kevin said.
"Cuthbertson's lion is dead and mounted over at Will Garret's store," Caleb said.
"Well, it was dead when it got his ear," Kevin said. "Why can't it git him again?"
"You have a point," Caleb agreed.
"What's this?" Tad asked, leaning forward. "A dead mountain lion got someone's ear?"
"Oh," Kevin said, chuckling his loud chuckle. "It was the damndest thing ever. Mike is Mr. Lion Hunter, you understand, and he's been after a real big ol' trophy for a couple years. Well, here what, a year ago?, he managed to tree this huge fuckin' monster lion and shot him. So there was this dead lion in the tree, and all of his hunting dogs barking at it from underneath, and he wanted to save it to get it mounted for his den, right? But he knew these dogs of his would tear it up if he knocked it out of the tree and just let it fall, so he took this huge stick and started poking at the lion from directly underneath it, so when it fell he could catch it," Kevin spread his arms to illustrate. "But on its way down, its paw swiped his head and tore his ear clean off."
"Holy shit," Tad said. "But you know, I've met Mike and he still has his ear. It's funny looking, but..."
"Oh, that's the other funny part," Rex said, warming to the subject. "Mike had to find his ear before his dogs did, and keep the lion from them, too. I don't know how he did it, but he did. Jesus, that man is tough. Anyway, he gets his ear, packs the lion out, about 15 miles or so, I think it was, gets in his car, and drives himself to the little country hospital there in Douglas. They don't know how to help him, so they phone ahead to the Wyoming Medical Center in Casper, pack his ear in DRY ICE, and send him on his way there.
"When he got to Casper, his ear was frostbitten!" Rex laughed, as did everyone else, even those who already knew the story. "But they sewed it back on anyway, just in case, and the ear made it. But that's why it's funny looking," he concluded.
"We must be talking about Mike Cuthbertson," Leah said, sitting down and pulling off her gloves. "The Lion King."
"Lion King, that's a good one," Gary said. "I think I'll start calling him that from now on. Good one, Leah."
"Oh, I didn't make that up. His wife calls him that," Leah smiled.
"Sounds like her," Lee said.
"So what prompted all of this?" Leah asked, pouring herself some coffee.
"All of us on the south end of town heard a mountain lion down by the riverbottom last night," Deirdre said. "So your dad thought maybe it was Mike's lion coming back for another piece."
"Oh, like Captain Hook's crocodile," Leah smiled. "That's funny!"
"Yeah, well, I try," Kevin said.
"You know, it's the damndest thing," Leah began. "Danny got wind of that story over the weekend, got hold of Hal Grossman, and actually wrote a coherent news story out of the thing."
"Who's Hal Grossman?" Tad asked.
"Our latest game warden," Gary said. "But I don't believe a word of it."
"What don't you believe?" Lee asked. "That there was a lion? That Hal answered the phone?"
"No, that Danny Zabrowskie wrote a coherent news story," Gary said. "Or even less likely, that Leah used 'coherent' and 'Danny' in the same sentence."
"I'm as shocked as you are," Leah said, giving Tad and Rex significant looks. "He's like a new man these days. All the stories he's filed so far for this week are written up right. Accurate, clear, organized, attributed... I tell you, it's downright spooky."
"Reverse pyramid and everything?" Paul prodded, knowing that Leah hated the traditional format for newspaper writing.
Leah rolled her eyes. "Actually, yes."
"Damn, that is a miracle," Paul said.
"So wait, was it a mountain lion, then?" Gary wanted to know.
"You'll have to wait for the paper, just like always," Rex said.
"Hey, if someone knows something like that, I consider it their duty to share it, paper or no paper. I need to know if I need to start bringing my dogs in at night," Gary said, glaring at Leah and Rex.
"I'd agree," Leah said. "Hal confirmed lion tracks along the east bank of the river, and some spoor. Thinks it's a big male. I'd definitely start bringing your dogs in at night, guys. Mine's not going anywhere at all until that thing is shot or trapped or whatever the hell they decide to do with it."
"Oh, they'll trap it and take it somewhere else in the state and let it loose to terrorize some other town. Never mind that it's a vicious killer and it's probably doing more economic damage than a forest fire," Gary groused.
"Then it'll find its way back down here and eat Gary's dogs," Lee said.
"Or it'll eat Gary," Rex said.
"Or it'll come after Mike and finish him off," Kevin said.
"You don't think the G&F will just shoot it?" Leah asked. "Hal told Danny they were considering it."
"Leah, for someone who grew up here you are just amazingly naive sometimes," Gary said. "The goddamn stump humpers and PETA have made a sensible solution like that impossible. Every goddamn Ranger Rick-reading schoolkid in the state would start crying and screaming and pestering their parents and they'd be howling for our blood in Cheyenne before the lion hit the ground."
"True, true," Leah sighed.
"It's a wonder they've never firebombed the Old Home Bar down the street over that diorama with the lions they've got," Gary continued.
"Those lions are so old and dusty they probably don't look real enough anymore," Lee said.
"Yeah, last time I was in there I could see a cobweb so thick hanging between that one lion's tooth and the antelope head on the ground it looked like a piece of rope," Leah said.
"They haven't cleaned that thing in 50 years, I'll bet," Gary said.
"Well, the stuffed animals would probably disintegrate the second the feather duster came near them," Rex said.
"If they could find a feather duster," Lee said. "Are there any left in town after you and your brother made that suit out of them for the poor Chicken Lady?"
"Oh, that was you guys?" Tad asked. "Hey, why do you pick on her, anyway?"
"She started it," Rex said.
"Yeah, a couple of years ago she and her husband filled up Ted's yard with turkeys for Thanksgiving and they've been pranking each other back and forth ever since," Lee said.
"Why's she called the Chicken Lady?"
"Because Ted and I set up a chicken coop full of roosters in HER yard for Christmas and she actually kept them. Tried to convince us all that she LOVES chickens," Rex said.
"Finally the neighbors called our attack zoning officer, who made her get rid of them," Gary said.
"Which she eventually did," Rex said.
"And then on the next Halloween she filled Rex's and Ted's truck cabs with the feathers," Lee said.
"Boy, I hope I never piss her off," Tad said. "Don't she and her husband own the feed store?"
"Yup. Lotta potential for mischief there," Lee agreed.
As the group continued to regale each other with Chicken Lady stories, Leah pulled her chair back a little and motioned to Rex and Tad.
"Guys," she whispered. "Can we talk a second after coffee?"
"Oh, we can talk now. Everybody's going to be telling Chicken Lady stories until lunchtime now," Rex said. "Happens all the time."
"But then I won't get to hear them," Tad pouted comically.
"You'll have plenty of chances this winter," Rex said. "'Specially come about February when there's nothing going on."
"You're not kidding," Leah said. "Anyway, what I've got to tell you is a little heartening. Danny totally remembers Kim."
"Well, that's good," Tad said, watching the stock ticker on the TV while he listened. "Hey, Gary! Your Cisco stock is going even farther into the toilet!"
"Don't even talk about it," Gary grumbled.
"So what does he remember?" Rex whispered.
"He doesn't remember Kim being the editor, but he does remember Kim... sort of."
"What are you guys whispering about over there?" Caleb demanded.
"Oh, they're probably plotting something silly," Deirdre said. "Rex and Leah are probably drafting Tad into the conspiracy."
"Conspiracy?" Leah said, alarmed.
"We all know it was you and Rex that put shrinkwrap around Sherwood's car the other day," Gary said. "So now you're going to try to drag poor old Tad into it, just because he's a newbie."
"Newbie, hell," Tad said. "Where do you think they got the shrinkwrap?"
"The cops'll be after you in no time, Tad," Gary said, shaking his head. "You've fallen in with the wrong crowd."
"From what I hear the cops are more likely to listen to Leah than to Sherwood," Tad said. "I think I'm safe."
"Until Leah turns on you," Gary said.
"I would never turn on Tad!" Leah said. "As long as he leaves my car alone."
"Wouldn't dream of doing a thing to that beauty," Tad said.
"There's nothing you COULD do to that beauty that she hasn't done to it herself," Kevin said.
"Anyway," Leah murmured to Tad and Rex as the laughter roared all around them, "He doesn't remember Kim being the editor, thinks I've been the editor all along, but he said he's known Kim his whole life and all of his other lives, too."
"All of his other lives," Rex began to laugh.
"What's so funny over there?" Gary demanded.
"Long story," Rex said. "Wait and see." Then to Leah, he said "So if you were the editor, then how did he know Kim?"
"Oh god, I definitely have to wait until after coffee to tell you," Leah said. "Everybody's getting too curious."
"Well, why don't we ask them about it?" Tad said.
"What do you mean? We've been over it and over it with them, remember?" Leah was stunned at the suggestion.
"Not about what Kim did or if they remember someone else being the editor, but just basically if they remember Kim at all."
"Oh, here we go again. You ask them. I'm sick of it," Leah said.
"So am I. But if you want to open that can of worms again, go ahead," Rex said.
"Fine, I will," Tad said. "Say, Leah," he said in a louder voice. "Whatever happened with that guy who died a few weeks ago. Was it a heart attack or what?"
"You mean there really was a guy who died that day they thought it was my dad?" Deirdre said.
"Yeah, there was," Tad said. "Leah's whacky little lackey was the guy who found him."
"Then how come there was nothing in the paper about it?" Gary asked suspiciously.
"There was, you probably just missed it," Rex chimed in, rubbing Leah's shoulder as she sighed audibly.
"Must not have been too interesting, then," Paul said.
"No, I suppose it wasn't," Gary said.
"So is there anything new?" Tad asked. "About him dying, I mean?"
"Who was it?" Kevin asked.
"Kim Huffnagle," Leah said tonelessly.
"Oh, that cigar-chomping old crank used to hang out at the gas station in the morning?" Caleb asked.
"Well, yeah, I think he hung out there once in a while," Leah said cautiously.
"Kind of funny, mousy hair? Scraggly beard? Weird eyebrows? Really dark eyes? That guy?" Caleb asked.
"Sounds like him. What do you remember about him?" Leah leaned forward, interested.
"Oh... not a lot... Dewey and Lane used to make fun of the way he talked, I remember. They spent a lot more time around him than I did. He bored me to tears. Actually put me to sleep once with that story about the hole he dug. He had to describe every shovelful of dirt, and then phhht! I was out like a light," Caleb shook his head. "Missed two service calls."
"What did he do for a living?" Leah asked.
"I don't know, I never saw him doing anything other than sitting at that back table, smoking cigars and talking. Even if no one was there," Caleb said.
"Hmm." Leah said. "I might have to talk to you about this some more sometime. But now, Gary, if you don't mind, I've got a paper to finish putting together. At least for a change I don't have to interrogate Danny about all of his stories..."
"Hey, speaking of that... You covering the airport board meeting tonight? We're up at my hangar at 7 o'clock," Lee reminded her.
"One of us will," Leah acknowledged.
"One of us? Don't send Danny, dammit! He–"
"Lee, if I can get my stuff done, I'll be there. But if we get behind, I need me there more than I need Danny. You know that."
"When's Gunter going to let you hire some help?"
"Call him and ask him," Leah shrugged.
Grabbing a pad and pen from Paul, Gary began the daily ritual. "All right, listen up..."

SATURDAY - November 3

Rex, Leah and Tad had chosen to take their mini-version of morning coffee in one of the side booths in the cantina, to avoid being overheard by straggling Saturday morning customers looking for hair of the dog and other remedies.
"Okay, boys, here's one thing I haven't told you about yet," Leah said, pulling out a stack of advertising order forms.
"What's this?" Rex frowned.
"These are all of the 'Elect Buford' ads and all that other silly crap that's been running since Will Garrett ran his first ad about our 'fascist dog laws' in Big Fittings," Leah said.
"And these are part of our current discussion because?" Tad asked, flipping through them.
"Look at the top one. See the signature? That's Will's signature. Here, compare it to his signatures for his last three ads for his outfitting business."
"I'm no graphologist," Rex's eyes waggled, as they always did when he used a word he didn't expect Leah to know he knew, "But they look to me like the same signature."
"That's because they are. I took these ads myself: see, there are my initials in the 'taken by' box," Leah said.
"That scribble is your initials?" Tad asked. "I can make out an 'L', but..."
"Trust me, she's been signing everything that way since she was a teenybopper. LAA. Leah Amelia Ambrose," Rex said.
"OK. So you know he took out these three ads, and this one..." Tad prodded.
"Now look at all of these other ads. At least one a week since the primaries. Note the signature, and the staff initials."
"Different signature, all right," Tad said, squinting. "All the initials boxes say DZ."
"Danny Zabrowskie."
"Danny took all these ads?" Rex asked.
"Well, again, I'm no graphologist either," here Leah winked at her friend, "But look at those really tall capital letters in his initials and those wide loops, and look at the fake Will Garrett signatures."
"So you think Danny forged these?" Tad frowned.
"I'm not done yet. Now here's the paper's last staff mileage report, which my editor – you guys both still remember that Kim was my editor, right?"
"Wouldn't be here if I didn't," Tad said.
"Who's Kim? OW!" Rex said, rubbing his shin. "Yes, I still remember."
"SO not funny, Rex my love. Anyway, which my editor has to sign before we can all get reimbursed. Look at this signature."
"OK, OK, so you're saying Kim wrote out these ad slips and signed them 'Will Garrett' in his own handwriting?"
"AND forged Danny's initials. Look here in Danny's column on the mileage report, where he has to put his initials."
"His writing's worse than yours, Leah!" Tad said.
"Doctors and serial killers and Leah," Rex smirked. "And Danny, I guess."
"Whatever. You see where I'm going with this, guys?"
"Kim placed all of the ads after the first one?" Tad said.
"BINGO!"
"Hey, this one is dated after he died, isn't it?" Rex pointed out.
"Oh, christ, you're right. I hadn't noticed that," Leah said. "No, wait, that's just the run date. It was placed–"
"The morning he died."
"Yeah, but he was there in the office that morning," Leah said.
"BUT," and here Rex brought out a photocopy with a flourish, "Here's a copy of the 'missing' newspaper article about Huffnagle's death, where the coroner puts his time of death, let's see, he was found at 9:30 and the Bruno said three hours before, 6:30 a.m. Do people usually come in at 6:30 on a Monday morning to place ads?"
"Jesus, I dunno, I'm never there that early, unless Kim has kept us for an all -nighter for a special section or something. I leave the chore of shoving the sun up to you spry old fellers," Leah said, patting Rex's hand affectionately.
"Someone's got to do it," Rex said in his best old man voice.
"But what you're saying is Kim could have put it in the system before he died, right?" Tad said.
"Not a lot of date verification goes on. We mostly," and again Leah grinned up at Rex, "Count on our customers to let us know when we get stuff like that wrong."
"So we have a dead guy who placed a lot of weird, provocative ads before he died, who nobody can remember now, and whose death notice has disappeared from printed copies of the paper, is that pretty much the size of it?"
"Yes," Leah said. "It is."
"Oh, and the coroner says he's got no wife, no horse and no mustache."
Leah looked at him alarmedly, catching the reference but unable to believe her grocer fiend had made it.
"I mean, no hair, no navel and no genitals." Tad added.
Rex nodded agreement, but then said, "You look like you've still got something bugging you about this, though, Tad."
"All right. Let's really put all our cards on the table here, guys," Leah interrupted. "Have either of you, oh god, I totally can't believe I'm asking this question... Have either of you, or your wife, Tim, or, I dunno, your little grey tabby mouser, Rex, or anyone you know..."
"Spit it out, Leah," Rex said. "Though... I think I know where you're going with this..."
Leah took a deep breath. "Just promise you won't call me nosy or a nut or anything, all right? All right. Have either of you had any really weird dreams lately?"
"Honey, I think any dream doesn't have naked ladies in it is weird," Tad said. Rex laughed along with him for a moment, but then noticed that Leah's eyebrows had shot up, and that all traces of humor had long departed from her face.
"No, I mean really weird," she said earnestly, putting a hand over one each of theirs.
Tad and Rex eyed each other.
"You're asking if we've dreamed about Huffnagle, aren't you?" Tad asked at last.
"Or something like him, yes," Leah said.
"Ah, now that IS interesting. Suzie!" Tad raised his hand. "We're going to need this carafe refilled. It's definitely going to be a three or four pot morning, I think."
Rex scrutinized Leah's face closely for a moment, a quizzical look on his face. His eyebrows went up in an unspoken question, which produced a vigorously negative head shake from the girl.
"I have," he said, then waited as Suzie poured another pot of coffee into their carafe.
"Tell us," Leah said.
"I hadn't gotten to sleep at my usual early hour, so I was really kind of groggy, but I really think that I was actually awake when I saw this," Rex began, staring nervously down into his cup as Leah poured him a refill. "And I didn't have my glasses on, of course..."
"It's okay, hon, just tell us," Leah prompted again.
"Well, I'm not used to telling people... this kind of thing... with a few exceptions, and even then, it's usually me listening to someone else telling this sort of thing... Anyway, I remember looking up from my bed to see what time it is – the only clock in the room that I can see in the dark is on the VCR – and I couldn't see the display on the VCR. I knew it was pretty late because you could see Orion perfectly through the patio doors in my bedroom... Anyway, I realized after a minute that I couldn't see the VCR display because there was something in front of it. I got up to move whatever it was, and it was... big... and when I touched it, it moved."
"And it wasn't your cat?" Leah asked, eyes wide.
"Oh no. Too big to be my cat, and no fur, and... very, very cold, but not cold like a thing... cold like... cold like your wife's feet when she crawls into bed after she's been out rabbit hunting in secret with your kids in the middle of the night. That kind of cold."
"Alive?" Tad asked.
"Oh yeah. Like I said, it moved. And my eyes got used to the dark a bit, and I could see it was shaped kind of like a person but with... this is so weird... backwards knees? And I could hear it whispering, but I couldn't make out what it said. But I realized I'd been hearing the same whispering in my dream, or in a different part of my dream... I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not, I still really just ain't sure whether or not I was dreaming, but it was whispering there in the dark, and it creeped me the hell out."
"What did you do?" Leah asked.
"Reached across to the bedside to turn on the lamp over there, but it took me a minute because I was disoriented, on the wrong side of the bed and everything, and when I turned back there wasn't anything there."
Leah seemed on the verge of panic, reacting, perhaps, with disproportionate horror to the narrative. She grabbed Rex's hand and squeezed it tight. He squeezed it back and did not let go.
"You all right, Leah?" Tad asked.
"Yeah, just..." she looked bewilderedly at Rex before taking a deep breath and continuing. "That really, really freaks me out..." she trailed off.
"You okay, hon? I think you know what you're thinking," Rex said, and nodded.
"It's just that something very similar happened to me the other night. Except I could see better and... is there still a cold spot on the floor where that thing or whatever was in your room, Rex?"
"I... guess I'll have to check."
"I bet there is. OK, same thing. I woke up, about 3 a.m. or so, real Hour of the Wolf type stuff, you know–" Rex and Tad both looked at each other, shaking their heads "Oh, it's a Russian thing. And a Bergman film. Anyway, that really late and creepy hour when everything that's bugging you just sits in your head and won't let you go, and I remember just completely freaking out that I'd never be able to run the paper myself, it would be so much better if we could get, oh, my mom or Ellen or pretty much anyone else on the planet to do it–"
"Nonsense, you've done a great job so far. That special section on the election kicked ass!" Tad said.
"Thanks, but no amount of assurance like that works during the Hour of the Wolf, and all of this stuff was running through my head, and all the sudden I remember thinking 'Wow, writing in Buford for mayor would really shake all of this up. Everybody'd be so freaked out and so interested or whatever that nothing I did, no matter how stupid, would matter because no one would notice.' And then I remember thinking 'What the hell am I thinking; that man is insane and I'd be stuck with him every other Wednesday for two years, plus whatever other mischief he could cause,' and so on. And then I looked up, and I saw him."
"Definitely a him?" Tad asked.
"Not just a him. A whom. As in Kim, except without any clothes. Or hair. And he was just like the coroner had described him. No navel, no sex organs. Not even any nipples."
"He was in your house?" Tad asked, incredulously.
"What did your dog do? She doesn't like men much," Rex explained to Tad. "Took six months of dog biscuits and visits to my store before she'd not bark at me, for instance. Longer yet to get used to Leah's old man, right?"
"Yeah," Leah said. "She went and hid in her 'cave' in the closet, just like she used to when you came to dinner."
"So, was this Kim thing whispering, too?" Rex asked.
"Yes. I couldn't really make anything out, though. Mostly 'k' sounds and really aspirated phonemes like that," she replied.
"Aspirated phonemes? Sounds like a hemhorroid medicine," Tad said.
"Speech sounds that use quick breaths," Leah explained. "'K', 'P', 'Sss', 'T', stuff like that."
"Only our Leah would even notice something like that," Rex said.
"Well... yeah," Leah said. "And there was this funny smell... not nasty or anything, kind of like... incense or something."
"Pheromones," Tad said, slapping his hand down on the table. "I read about this in the Enquirer."
Leah chuckled. "Hey, I can't rule anything out at this point. Anyway, I just felt really weird, and even more anxious. And then he was gone. I remember calling out to him, I knew it was Kim and I knew he wanted something, but he was gone."
"Sound at all familiar, Tad?" Rex wanted to know.
"Well, yeah. No smells and I don't remember any whispering, but something spooked my dogs and looked like a bald man with a really big head and it was standing really close to my side of the bed," Tad said.
"Mine was just like three nights ago," Leah said.
"Four or five," Rex said.
"Night before last," Tad said.
"So all definitely after Kim died, or whatever," Leah concluded.
"What's up with the autopsy, by the way?" Tad asked.
"Oh, you mean I forgot to tell you guys?"
"Tell us what?" Tad and Rex both asked, almost in unison.
"Bruno can't find the body. And now he just totally doesn't even remember ever having had it. Swears to god I'm making the whole thing up."
The trio just sat there for a while and stared at each other as Suzie refilled their carafe again.
"Everybody thinks I'm making the whole thing up, actually, except for your two," Leah said, looking dejectedly into her coffee cup. "And before this morning, guys, I was starting to think everybody was right."
"Well, if you made it up, you did a good job," Tad said.
"And you did a really good job making us believe it," Rex said.
"At least now I know you guys aren't just humoring me," Leah, suddenly very tired, said. "There's no way you could have made up the same dream or whatever...
"Crap, guys, what do I do about this?" she asked after a moment.
"Do about what? The ads? The story?"
"Well, that and running this paper," Leah nodded. "Jesus, I was already burning out just writing the thing and trying to fix all of Danny's stories before they saw print; now I've got to run it, too?"
"I think that you're going to do just fine," Rex said, a little sternly. "You've just got the jitters. But if you really don't think you're up to it, I suppose you could ask Gunter to hire somebody. Though I think that would be blowing your big chance."
"Oh, I didn't tell you that, either? Gunter's already in step with the rest of the town. Judging from the chat I had with him on the phone yesterday afternoon, he doesn't remember Kim, iether."
"Wouldn't he have records on him or something? W-2s and I-9s and things?" Rex, ever the businessman, asked.
"Yeah, I asked him... Look, it was really weird. You know how hard it was to get all our coffee buddies to even sort of remember that something had happened last week? Just even introducing the subject... Jesus. So anyway, I asked Gunter to check over his personnel files and stuff. I had to pretend I was getting info for an employment reference. Guys, Gunter didn't have a thing on him. And then he started chewing me out for having hired someone under the table and not telling him. 'You've been too good an editor to mess it up by pulling that kind of crap, Leah,' he says, and goes on to detail to me all the trouble HE could get into for not having documentation on his workers and stuff."
"OK, so I guess Gunter's messed up, too, then. By the way," Tad said, rubbing his chin. "Does Danny remember this guy?"
"Danny only remembers his own name because people are always yelling it at him," Rex said. "He probably thinks his last name is 'Dumbass.'"
"You know, I haven't even bothered to ask him," Leah said. "I should, I really should. He seems so much more... I don't know... lucid, now? His conversations make a lot more sense, anyway. He's still obsessed with whackos and gave me a 45 minute lecture about how sunlight has weight, but it was a very reasonable lecture about sunlight having weight, thesis, antithesis, conclusion, the whole bit... rather remarkable, really."
"What was he like before?" Tad asked.
"He didn't even try to tie his sentences together. He'd start off with something like 'Did you know the earth was hit by two million pounds of sun last year?' and next thing you knew he wast talking about Atlantis with no attempt to connect them at all. It's hard to describe," Leah said.
"Sounds like my kind of guy," Tad said, giving a thumbs-up.
"Oh, you'd love him," Rex said, rolling his eyes. "He's a real crap artist."
"But now he's apparently a less scatterbrained crap artist?" Tad continued.
"Yeah, I guess we could say that. Too soon to tell, maybe," Leah said.
"Is he off the pot or what?"
"You know, I never ever heard him say anything about smoking or anything. That's just my dad's theory," Leah said. "Everytime someone's a little weird, Dad assumes he's on drugs."
"Usually a safe assumption," Rex said.
"Well, but you know, I've been around a few potheads in my day, and he didn't really strike me as one. Potheads are sort of slow and slothful and got no ambition at all. Danny's a complete spaz, can't sit still, always running around, talks a blue streak – I mean really, I sometimes gotta wonder if he breaths... No, not pot. Just nuttiness, I think. Some people are just born weird," Leah concluded.
"Or something makes 'em weird," Tad said.
"You're maybe positing that because he hung around Kim so much something was making him weird?" Rex asked.
"Makes a weird kind of sense," Tad said. "Somehow or other something is making everyone forget this guy, right? Everyone except for people who never really met him, like me, or people who have some kind of untamperable evidence that he existed, like you two. What's doing it?"
"I follow you," Leah said. "If something about Kim could make people forget him, and if Danny spent lots of time around him, A. Danny would be the most likely person to remember him, so B. Whatever it is would have to work hardest on making Danny forget, and C. Maybe it worked too well or something? Wait, that doesn't work. Nobody was forgetting Kim while he was alive, so whatever it is wasn't happening then... God, I'm so not the person to be dealing with this..."
"Yes you are," Rex said.
"And we're here for you," Tad said.
"I think what really needs to happen next is you need to have a sit-down with Danny and see what he knows, what he remembers, what he thinks. Maybe, at least, it won't be as big of a pain in the ass as it used to be," Rex said.
"Yeah, maybe he'll even wind up being normal before long," Tad said.
"That would be interesting," Leah acknowledged. "It might have to wait, though. We've got another paper to get out. Always another paper to get out." She sighed. "In fact, crap, what time is it? I've got to go take photos of that thing at the high school."
"It's just past 11," Rex said.
"OK, I'd better go. I'll talk to Danny maybe on Monday, if we get a little downtime. Should be interesting. God, guys, why didn't I think about doing that sooner?"
"You're used to writing him off as a meatball," Tad shrugged. "It happens."
"Yeah, you're right. Look, I've got coffee today," Leah said, waving Suzie down. "Thanks for listening and everything."
"Keep us posted, and let us know what else we can do," Rex said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Will do. Don't forget about him," Leah said seriously. "In fact, would you mind making a few copies of that clipping so we can each have one? Plus, I could use one to show to Danny. Since the 'real' newspapers don't have it anymore, that's all we've got."
"Wow," Rex said. "Only thing to prove a man existed is a newspaper clipping from a guy's scrapbook. You got it. Come by the store when you're done taking pictures and I'll have some copies for you."
"OK. Thanks again, guys. You're the best," Leah said, kissing each of them on the cheek as she rose to go.
"Anytime," they said.

FRIDAY III - November 2

"Has anyone seen Tad today?" Leah asked as she rushed into the cantina, her face stricken.
"I think he had to go to Loose Cannon this morning. Why?" Rex asked.
"Oh, just something we had to figure out before the weekend. I guess it can wait. Is he gone all day?" Leah was still standing in the doorway.
"I don't know. Look, you coming in? You're letting out all the heat!" Rex shivered and pulled his vest tighter around himself.
"I guess so. Crap. Oh well. Sure." Leah pulled off her gloves shoved them into her pockets, and threw her coat over a chair next to Rex.
"Don't let us detain you," Gary said. "We'd hate to think we were wasting your time."
"Sorry, Gary, just preoccupied. Last night was weird."
"Well, it's always weird on Thursdays. It's Lion's night." Walt said.
"Not just us, not just us. You and your sister were having quite a discussion in here last night," Caleb observed.
"Fighting about the haunted house? Can't say I didn't warn you!" Kevin said.
"No, nothing like that. We were just comparing notes on something and kind of... Well, it got a little drunk out last night, as several of you know," Leah said.
"Not me, I took my winnings and went home like a good boy," Rex said. "I bet I was asleep before you and Ellie-Wellie were even tipsy."
"As much booze as those two can put away, I'd believe it," Kevin said, shaking his head.
"Chips off the old block, I'd say," Gary observed. Kevin just nodded, a little ruefully.
"So what were you two talking about so intensely?" Caleb prodded.
"Staffing issues," Leah said, a trifle evasively. "Just staffing stuff."
"She trying to get rid of her assistant again? Or are you trying to get her to join you at the paper?" Kevin asked.
"Oh god, can you imagine her and me working together in the same office? Remember what happened during that overlap when MOM was her secretary? They drove each other NUTS. And Ellen's the patient one!"
"I wouldn't say that," Gary said. "She didn't take it too well when we teased her about being mean to your poor old grey-haired momma and making her make photocopies. Hasn't been back to coffee since, has she?"
"Oh, she comes sometimes on holidays when certain people," here Leah glared at Caleb, "Aren't here."
"Can I help it if she can't handle being reminded of stupid things she did in high school? Hell, that's all we talk about come about February," Caleb said.
"Well, she's very thin-skinned," Leah said.
"Which is why you're the politician and she's not," Kevin said.
"Still, you've got to wonder how many people thought they were voting for her instead of you..." Rex said.
"Hey, we took out an ad to clarify it and everything," Leah said. "Not my fault if people thought they were voting for the pretty one."
"Keyboard! And fishing for compliments."
"Whatever. Suzie," Leah said, eying Paul's customary glass of ice water. "Can I have one of those, too, this morning? Thanks."
"Hoo hoo, you must have had a good time. Got a little headache, do we?" Rex teased.
"No, just wanted something cold to drink."
"We've been using that one since before you were born, honey," Rex said.
"So, can I just ask you all a question?" Leah said after the knowing sniggers died down.
"Don't see why not," Gary said.
"Do you guys all remember about, oh, ten days ago when I had to cover a possible murder for the paper?"
"I remember they thought for a while that my dad had had a heart attack," Deirdre began, frowning, "The stupid fuckers, but it turned out to be some other guy who had the same first name, and then not much came of it after that, did it?"
"Do any of you remember who the guy with the same first name was?"
"Hmm... This conversation is starting to sound a little familiar," Walt said. "Didn't you ask us about this a few days ago?"
"Oh, I might have. Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Remember anything about the guy who had the same name as Dee's dad? The one who died?"
"No, I don't think I knew him," Walt said.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... Nope, neither did I," Tom said.
"Paul?"
"Another guy named Kim? I'm pretty sure I'd remember that if there was somebody," Paul said.
Growing still more exasperated, Leah turned to the others. "Rex? Dad? Caleb? Roger? Mark?"
"Mark's really bad with names," Roger said. Leah shot him a dirty look.
"You guys aren't pulling my leg or anything, right?"
"Wish we'd thought of this, since you're so very shaken up, but no," Rex said.
"I haven't tried to fool you since you caught your grandma playing Santa Claus," Kevin said.
"You swear you're not messing with me? None of you?" Leah demanded.
"Of course not. What's this all about?" Deirdre asked.
"Gary!" Leah called out. "How long have I been editor of the Reader?"
"Jesus, let me think... coupla years, um..."
"Wrong! Deirdre?"
"I'm with Gary, it's been a long time..."
"Wrong! Dad? Rex?"
"Is this a trick question?" Rex asked.
"Well, kind of. I'll rephrase it. Rex... how long have I been ACTING editor?"
"Oh, oh, is this sort of like the way Kim Huffnagle used to always harass Dave at the Loose Cannon Leader by calling him an 'interim editor? OH!!!!!!!!! I see what you MEAN!!!!!" Rex said, excitedly.
Leah stood up from her chair in her excitement. "YES! Gold star to the cute balding guy with the glasses. Oh, make that the cute BLUSHING balding guy with glasses. YES! UP UNTIL HIS DEATH TWO WEEKS AGO, KIM HUFFNAGLE WAS THE EDITOR OF THE BIG FITTINGS REPUBLICAN READER."
"Bullshit," Gary said.
"I'm with Gary on this one, honey. Do you have another sinus infection or something?" Kevin asked.
"No, no... Leah's right... I'm having a little trouble pinning down why, but I think she's right," Rex said.
"Who is it you're talking about now?" Walt asked again.
"Kim Huffnagle. New Jersey accent. Died two weeks or so ago at age 64. My boss up till that time. This guy," Kim said, passing around a blow-up of the dead man's column photo. Her friends passed the photo around.
"This guy could be any one of those scraggly bearded weirdos who hang out here after the mill shuts down every night," Gary said.
"Nah, he looks too old for that," Deirdre said.
"I might have seen this guy once at church," Walt said, but I probably thought he was some passing bum.
"Or one of those preachers you guys are always hiring and losing," Gary said.
"Did this guy smoke cigars by any chance?" Rex asked. "Ones you can't really get around here anymore?"
"YES! Another point to the cutie with the glasses!" Leah said excitedly, blowing Rex a kiss. "He used to get them from Rudi the Nazi barber, but when Rudi left town he had to start special ordering them from some shop in Fort Collins."
"Same place I get mine," Rex said. "That's why his name is familiar! It was always on the delivery guy's list above mine."
"Do you remember ever meeting him?" Leah prodded.
"Saw him every month when he brought me my cigars," Rex said, puzzled.
"No, I mean Kim Huffnagle!"
"You're awfully upset about this, honey. You sure you're not getting sick?" Kevin asked again.
Leah all but hopped up and down as she burst out, "Dad, yes I am upset. I'm upset because none of you can even remember the guy I worked for for nearly three years, who choked me out of our building on an hourly basis with the smoke chugging out of his office, who bored the pants off of me with the same two or three stories every day for years, who cut all the adjectives out of my articles and told me I needed to dumb them down and look, look, all of your faces are still blank except for Rex's! Look!"
And it was true: Rex was nodding vigorously with Leah's every point, while the rest of Leah's coffee circle were still puzzling over the photograph or idly watching the stock ticker roll by on CNN Headline News playing, muted, as always, on the TV just above her head.
"Well, I don't remember all that stuff, Leah, but damn, the man did have good taste in cigars," Rex said. "And, well, I do remember you bitching about him for some reason..."
"But that's all?" Leah asked. "You don't remember the day your bookkeeper tried to get you to threaten a lawsuit for her when Danny got the engagement notice for her daughter wrong, for instance? No suit, but you did come in instead of letting Geraldine come because Geraldine, and this is a direct quote, 'wanted to hand him his balls for breakfast.'"
"I remember her being mad at Danny, but no, I don't remember getting involved in it," Rex said.
"JEE-sus! What WAS it... IS it... WAS it about this guy?" Leah roared. "Gary, run the numbers. I have to get out of here before I say something I wind up regretting later or something. No, forget it, don't even run the numbers; I'll just buy. HERE!!" she flung a ten dollar bill in the direction of the counter and stormed out.
"I'd better see what's up with her," Kevin began.
"No, I think I know what's up; she'll just yell at you some more, Kev. I'll take this one," Rex said, patting his old friend on the shoulder as he got up.
Leah was sitting, shaking on the bench outside the bar.
"That was quite a production in there," Rex began.
"Rex, if you're going to patronize me or pretend you understand or... or.. anything, I swear I'll squash you like a bug... I'll knock your block off, I'll..."
"Shh..." Rex said, putting an arm around her as he sat next to her. "I agree that there's something weird about this. I talked to Tad a little about it at Lions last night. He told me a little bit because he didn't think he'd be here today – you guys have really gotten to be good friends already, haven't you?"
"Except for you, and of course my dad and Gary, he's already about the best friend I have in this town," Leah agreed. "He's off his rocker and can be a pain in the ass, but he's a great guy."
"Agreed, agreed. And for some reason, he's in the same boat with you on this Huffnagle thing. Wanna talk about it for a minute, and I'll try to keep up? At the very least you'll maybe feel better, and you know I won't mess with you. I'd never mess with you. I don't always act like it, but I do love you to pieces, you know."
"I know. All right. Look, first, what do you remember of what I said in there?"
"Not... quite what I was expecting you to say there, but... all right, all right, I can see you're serious. You said he was your editor for a few years, and you used to bitch about him... his editing jobs, right? And you alluded to some incident with Geraldine's daughter's engagement notice that Danny screwed up... is that what you mean?"
"But you don't remember that YOU went to see Kim instead of Geraldine doing it because Ger was too hot and you needed to place an ad anyway? Don't answer right away, think hard, please? It's important."
Puzzled, but seeing it was indeed very important to his friend, Rex crinkled his forehead in thought for a moment before answering. "Well, vaguely... So he really was the editor for a little while...? Yeah, maybe, yeah..."
"Right close to three years. Rex," Leah took his face between her hands. "Rex, I was NEVER the editor in chief of the Reader. I've been the head reporter for two and a half years. Before that I wrote columns and stuff once in a while, but," and she pulled his face down a little closer to hers, "I was just made ACTING editor a little less than two weeks ago, after Huffnagle died."
Rex absorbed this. "Jesus, woman, this is giving me a headache," he said after a pause.
"I'm sorry, but it's important to me. I've got to... got to figure out what's real, here. Because there's more."
Rex's eyes widened. "You mean that cockamamie crap Tad was talking about with the switched papers or whatever is true, too?"
"Damn, I'm going to KILL him. He was supposed to keep this under his hat until we could figure out what's going on," Leah muttered.
"Hey, in his defense, I pretty much made him do it. We made a bet on whether or not a team we were watching would get a first down and I made him tell me what you guys have been staying late after coffee to talk about... Oh, bye Deirdre, Caleb, Paul. No, no, it's all right here. I'm just trying to see if Leah will let me take her out to lunch today."
"See you tomorrow, guys," Leah said. "Oh. Wait. I mean Monday. See you Monday." She waved as her friends receded from sight down the street, in search of their cars.
"He still didn't have to get into the whole deal with the papers and everything," Leah said darkly.
"Well, he'd had a few beers, and I'd had a few beers, and I'd cleaned him out at poker, and we'd been talking about you and Ellen for a little while anyway – you were out there arguing in the front of the bar–"
"God, we were arguing about this very thing. She's absolutely positive that I've been the Reader editor for even longer than she's run the chamber of commerce. My own sister!"
"So I went back to my office and, you know Auggie, that guy who cleans up the store after hours while I'm doing the books at night?"
"Paul's grand-nephew, the one who got hurt in that accident when I was a kid?"
"Yeah, that one. Well, he keeps this scrapbook of obituaries and things. Some kind of hobby of his. He shows it to me sometimes when we're having a smoke."
"I wish you would find a way to quit that, by the way," Leah said absently. "If my dad can do it, anyone can."
"I'll quit when you stop bumming them off me, sweetie," he said, hugging her closer. "Anyway, he showed me the scrapbook this morning, and that article that's missing from last week's paper was in it. He'd clipped it first thing last week, I guess, and there it was."
"Hmm. So maybe that's why you remember better than my dad and everyone," Leah mused.
"Maybe so, maybe not. Anyway, I definitely see why you're so worked up over this. And, by the way, that lunch invitation still stands if you want to talk about this some more."
"Oh, I'd love to, but: A. People gossip about us enough already, and B: I'm having lunch with Mom and Ellen today. Oh, and C: I think we should have Tad with us, too, since he remembers even better than I do."
"You're right, I think he does. Well, how about this: why don't you and Tad and I break all the rules, all the rules, and meet here for coffee tomorrow morning. Our first ever Saturday morning coffee."
"Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures, and all that?"
"Exactly."
"Well," Leah said, taking his hand, "I'll make sure Suzie knows to make us some coffee if you make sure Tad knows to join us."
"Sounds like a plan, schnookie."
"All right, schnookie. You'd better get back to the store, and I'd better go check on Danny. He really is doing better, you know."
"Well," Rex said, peering at her mysteriously over his glasses with a conspiratorial smile, "You did say he used to spend all his free time hanging around Kim."
Leah's mouth opened, and closed, and opened again, trying to form words that wouldn't come. Then, finally...
"Rex Allan Wainwright, you remember more than you've been letting on!"
"Maybe so, my dear, maybe so. But maybe more than one of us has been. Until tomorrow!" he said, and took her hand and kissed it.
"Until tomorow."

THURSDAY III - November 1

"Leah, I'd lay low for a day or so if I were you, honey," Kevin said as his daughter walked through the door. "Your sister is pretty pissed."
"How come?" Leah said absently, sitting between Tad and Rex, as usual.
"You sent Danny to take pictures of the haunted house. What were you thinking?" Kevin said, concernedly.
"I had a council meeting last night, remember? And it went extra long because of that guy who wants to build a doggie playground. Wasn't enough for him to say his piece, he got every dog nut in that club of his to show up. We had to listen to them all. 'Um, uh, you know, dogs are a really, really important part of people's life and they, they lower dog pressure, and they, they, they need a place to play too,'" Leah said, aping an infamous "dog pound lady" of everyone's acquaintance.
"Well, Ellen says he knocked over four or five pieces of scenery and tried to pull off somebody's mask in front of a bunch of little kids and was just a general meatball," Kevin said.
"Wow. He's been doing so much better lately, I guess I thought..."
"What do you mean, like remembering appointments on his own?" Paul laughed.
"Well, that, and the football story was the only thing he got wrong, and that was pretty much a straight switcheroo. I... don't know what to say," Leah said.
"Well, say it to your sister. I'm not getting in the middle of this," Kevin said.
"Say it to me, too. It wasn't a mask he tried to pull off, it was my face," Tad said. Rex did a classic spit-take, spraying coffee onto his toast.
"You're kidding!" Rex said, recovering.
"You should have seen the make-up job that girl did on me. I didn't think I looked real, either," Tad said. "Those people go all out!"
"Yes, they do. I liked the stuff with the aliens dissecting the elementary school principal myself," Gary said. "You guys should have heard him, wailing and moaning and thrashing around and calling to the kids by name, 'Help me, help me!' I haven't laughed that hard in years. Scared the piss out of my granddaughter, though."
"Oh no, literally?" Leah asked. "I did hear about that."
"Your sister is probably going to be really pissed when she gets to clean THAT up," Gary said, nodding.
"I hear Rex's brother Teddy scared the hiccoughs out of Bill's wife," Leah said.
"Oh yeah, he was talking about that at the bar later," Rex said, continuing to guffaw. "He was dressed as a tree, and I guess she just thought he was part of the scenery, and when he tapped her on the shoulder and said 'Hi, Mrs. Greenwood' she jumped about a foot I guess."
"How does he end up in get-ups like that every year?" Gary said. "Wouldn't catch me dead doing that."
"Except for the year you were the mummy," Leah reminded him. "It took Ellen and me, what, an hour to wrap all those bedsheets around him?"
"Damn near cut off my circulation, you silly wenches," Gary grumbled, but he was smiling.
"So I got off easy as the 'human salami,' huh?" Tad asked.
"Human WHAT?" Bill said, walking in, huffing and puffing from his bike ride.
"Human Salami. Last night in the haunted house," Tad said.
"Oh, that was you, wasn't it. It was so dark and my wife was so busy hiccoughing and grabbing my arm I couldn't quite tell who anybody was. How'd they rig you up like that?"
"They had me sit down, and wrapped this black cloth around my legs, got a pair of kids' pants, tucked my shirt into them, stuck a big ol' salami in one of the pantlegs, and gave me a knife. Served myself up as horzes doovers," Tad said proudly.
"Originally that was going to be Ellen's boyfriend, but he got a paying job down in Denver," Leah said.
"You don't say?" Kevin said.
"Dad, he always does those haunted house things. That's the real funny part – that's why Ellen said she didn't need me to help her find people this year. Her boyfriend does these big fancy haunted house things in Colorado every year, except this year they decided to go on strike because they weren't getting paid enough, so she was going to get them for free – go figure, but boys are dumb – but then at the last minute Elitch's or whoever showed them the contracts they'd signed last year that basically said they HAD to work, so off they went."
"So who'd she get, then?" Kevin asked.
"Me..." Rex sighed.
"And me," Caleb said.
"Me, too," said Deirdre.
"Oh, that's too funny. Who were you guys?" Kevin asked.
"Oh, we were the aliens," Rex said.
"Oh! Oh! You said no one was ever stuffing you in a latex mask again! Oh!" Leah said.
"Well, this year she had beer coolers at all of the stations," Caleb said.
"And she promised mine would have–" Rex began, but Leah cut him off.
"Guinness?"
"Guinness."
"But you only drink that stuff with me, now. We made a pact," Leah said, poking him in the shoulder.
"Well, drinking with your sister is almost drinking with you," Rex said lamely.
"And for that you missed the council meeting. So there was no one but me, ME!, to address all that lingering crap about Jim Morris's house! You owe me bigtime, buddy."
"I won't disagree with you there," Rex said.
"Did Mack show up, then?" Gary asked.
"No, but I guess he stirred up all the neighbors. Doesn't appear to have told two of them the same story either. Like the dogpound ladies weren't enough, oy!"
"Dogpound ladies sing their song–" Tad began to sing.
"Doo-dah, doo-dah" most of the table joined them.
"Oh my god, that was so bad you guys," Deirdre said. "She's going to kill you. Look at her!"
"No. No I'm not. Some things are just not worth the dignity of a response," Leah said.
"So aside from that, how was your last meeting with that crew?" Gary asked Leah.
"Oh, there's still two more before the new council," Leah said.
"Well, it was still the last one before Election Day," Gary said.
"You're wanting to know if Colson was grandstanding or anything? No. He mostly just sat there looking confused, like he always does," Leah said.
"That's because he turns off his hearing aids during the Pledge of Allegiance," Rex said.
"You guys can see that from the floor, can you?" Leah asked.
"No, but you just confirmed it!"
"Ass," Leah said.
Rex just made kissing noises at her.
"So, hey, Leah, did you find out who was buying those ads?" Paul asked as he pulled up a chair next to Gary.
"Dammit, Paul, you're not allowed to sit there anymore. You stick me for coffee way too often," Gary said.
"Oh, pshaw," Paul said. "I haven't gotten you in ages. Did you, Leah?"
"Which ads? The Buford for mayor stuff?"
"Yeah, those," Paul said, lifting carafe after carafe, looking for a full one.
"Suzie's making more," Gary told him.
"Funny you should ask. There's something very, very weird about those, Paul." Leah said.
"What's that?" Paul asked.
"Does the name Kim Huffnagle mean anything to you?"
"Deirdre's dad?"
"My dad's name is McGonagle, you dope," Dee said, swatting him.
"Oh. Then, no. Should it?"
"I guess not," Leah said, shaking her head and looking at Tad.
"Why?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure it was him," Leah said.
"Some greenie or other trying for the Golden Spoon Award, hmm?" Paul said.
"What do you mean by that?" Tad asked indignantly.
"For stirring the pot," Paul said.
"No, I know what that is. I mean about greenies!"
"Oh, present company excepted, of course. You're not a born greenie anyway, I hear," Paul said.
"Well, no, I'm from Illinois originally. But greenies are people, too, dammit!" Tad wiped at an imaginary tear.
"Only if they bring enough money," Caleb said.
"Only until we perfect our state line cash extraction system," Gary said.
"I can see I'm outnumbered on this point," Tad said, shrugging.
"Aw, we know what you mean, sweetie," Leah said.
"Yeah, we don't need to perfect our cash extraction system as long as the dummies keep buying day licenses to fish the good side of Big Creek," Rex said. "Thank god for dumb greenies."
"Did you see that kid that went through the haunted house last night? He wore these fancy waders and shit and had Monopoly money falling out of all of his pockets and green food coloring on his face and went as a 'Gosh Darned Greenie.'" Deirdre said.
"Oh yeah! He went as Al Gore last year. Wore a blue suit and drew all these joints and things on his body and looked like a robot or a dummy or something. Funny kid," Caleb agreed.
"I went as Bill Clinton last year," Tad said.
"How'd you do it?" Leah asked.
"All I needed was a suit, a grey wig, and a sticky cigar," Tad said.
"Oh gawd," Leah and Deirdre and Rex all said at once.
"No wonder you and Leah are buddies. She went as the Unabomber a while back," Rex said.
"Before they knew who it was," Leah clarified. "I was in the middle of moving, so I wasn't even going to go to Dee's dad's party, but they insisted, and so I just through on a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses and grabbed one of my boxes that was still sealed up, and voila!"
"She went all around the party telling people 'This is for you.' It was really bad," Deirdre said.
"Did the box tick?" Tad asked.
"No, it was just some of my comic books inside," Leah said. "But the thought counted!"
"Yes, it did," Kevin said. "My daughter the terrorist."
"Is that why they call your house the Unabomber Cabin?" Tad asked.
"One reason, yes," Leah acknowledged.
"The other reason being that it's a ramshackle, tiny piece of crap that just happens to be by the river," Kevin said. "I have to listen to her bitch about how cold it is in there every winter."
"Long as she keeps buying space heaters, I'm happy," Rex said.
"I have pretty nice parties there in the summer, you've got to admit," Leah lectured her friend and her father.
"First bad mosquito year and they'll suck, too," Kevin said.
"But I sell citronella torches!" Rex said.
"See what I put up with, Tad?" Leah asked.
"I don't see a gun to your head," he observed.
Leah sighed. "You have a point, you have a point." Then she leaned over and whispered "Can I see you for a sec after coffee?"
Tad nodded as Gary bellowed "All right, Bill says he's got an appointment. One to 1000."
******
As the last of their friends departed or went into the kitchen, Tad and Leah sat down again for a brief chat.
"So all of the other papers were missing that story, weren't they?" Tad asked.
"Yeah, but last week's layout flat had the story I wrote about him dying still on it. That's the thing we take over to the printer's in Loose Cannon to shoot the films to print from."
"Films?"
"Yeah, and before you ask, the films had it, too. So the papers that Rex brought back from Loose Cannon last week all had my story, and if you remember, it was in the paper for Gary to read aloud last Wednesday."
"No, I wasn't here then, I was up at the store, but I remember seeing it, too. So you have no idea what happened, do you?"
"None at all."
"Could it be a prank?"
"Pretty elaborate prank. Someone would need a printing press and some way of switching every single copy after they'd all gone to the post office and stuff."
"Does Paul still have a press or anything?"
"It's down at the Battle Mountain Museum, and I don't know if it still works. Besides, totally not Paul's style."
"If you say so."
"I do."
"Then who? I swear it's not a Lion's Club prank. Those guys all love giving you shit, but they're more likely to do something simple, messy and easy like T.P. your house, from what I've seen so far."
"Joined the Lions already?"
"I was a member down in Colorado, and they were a lot like these guys."
"No wonder you fit in here so well," Leah said admiringly. "Anyway, I'm fresh out of ideas of how this happened." She looked around the empty room, then forced a chuckle. "Your alien theory looks more and more plausible."
"I wanted to talk to you a bit about that," Tad said. "You said he was born on Halloween?"
"Yeah, I finally saw his driver's license myself. Oh, and I got his age screwed up in the story that... no one can find now. He was born in 1937."
"Oh boy, this is going to sound really weird, but... You know what happened on Halloween night of 1937?"
"Um, my MOM was conceived right around then, but I don't know it was that particular date, but... something tells me that's not what you're talking about..."
"God, you're too young to remember. Hell, I'm too young to remember. Look, you seem kind of, well, forgive me, but, kind of... nerdy... Did you ever see a movie called 'Buckaroo Banzai?'"
"Only every other week in college, among many other times, yes. Ohh... You're talking about the prank Orson Welles pulled over the radio. Shit, shit, shit, that's too funny - Kim was from New Jersey!"
"Grover's Mill?"
"Grover's Mill. He actually used to joke about that 'War of the Worlds' broadcast. Damn, that did happen on his birthday. Oh, Tad, you don't really think...?"
"I'm not saying nothing, you can't quote me, this is off the record, your publisher guy would tell you it's too weird anyway."
"Ok, but still, that doesn't explain why nobody else can even remember him anymore..."
"Hey, what do we know about aliens really? What we read in the Weekly World News? I hear they make that shit up."
"You know, I always used to dream about writing for them. Like writing science fiction, only never having to come up with a plot."
"Well hey, now's your chance. Start with that coroner's report thing. Still have it?"
"Yes. And thanks to you I'm now totally afraid to jack into the LAN. I've been e-mailing everything to the office computers."
"Good. Look, I have to get back to the store. Keep me posted, okay? There's something else I've got to tell you, but today's a really busy day."
"All right. There's something I've got to tell you, too."
"I wonder if it's the same thing," Tad said cryptically as he left.

WEDNESDAY III - October 31

"Another half-decent paper, there, Leah," Paul congratulated her as Leah walked through the door.
"Well, aren't you funny?" Leah snarled as she sat down.
"No, I mean it," Paul said, puzzled.
"You obviously haven't read the sports page yet," Rex giggled.
"I usually save that for last because I clip it for my brother in Fort Collins," Paul said. "What did I miss."
"Only that Danny managed to get the score and everything backwards on the Moorcroft game and wrote this big article about our big victory," Leah said before anyone else could.
"Oh yeah, I did read that. You're right... but... it didn't have any typos!" Paul said patronizingly.
"No, it didn't have any typos. God." Leah put her face in her hands.
"When are you going to fire that kid, Leah?" Rex asked.
"He's not for me to fire," Leah said.
"You're the editor," Rex countered.
"Acting editor. Acting," she replied.
"Acting... What the – since when?" Rex sputtered.
"Leah!" Tad whispered.
"Since last– OW!" Leah rubbed her shin where Tad had kicked her under the table.
"Talk to me about this after coffee," Tad said, sotto voce.
"What are you two whispering about?" Rex asked from the other side of Leah.
"Oh, nothing," Leah said, catching on and looking bewilderedly around at her friends.
"Just something I REMEMBER that Leah needs to TALK TO ME about," Tad stressed, fixing Leah with a look.
"Yeah, about that guy we were talking about the other day," Leah agreed.
"What, did you find yourself a hot date?" Gary asked. "What'll I tell my cousin?"
"Oh, tell him I got tired of being part of the harem," Leah said, relaxing. "He'll surely understand."
"So, who's the hot date, then?" Rex inquired.
"Uh, same as always," Leah stammered after a moment.
"That guy from Senator Enzi's office gonna be in town again?"
"No, no, just a phone date again. You understand," Leah winked.
"Ho ho HO... Yes, I do. Your secret's safe with me, schnookie. Just like that time I found you guys having phone sex out on your lawn. Oops! Did I say that out loud?" Rex chuckled as he looked around the room, then covered his face with his hands in mock dismay as he spoke.
Leah gritted her teeth and grinned through the ensuing laughter, which only Tad didn't share. Tad put one finger to his lips and gestured with his other hand that everything would be OK.
"A girl's got to get it where and how she can," Leah finally shrugged.
"Poor baby," Rex said, smoothing her hair. "You're not really upset, are you?"
"You can make it up to me sometime," Leah said.
"Another nice ad from that nutjob Garrett, I see," Gary said after a moment.
"Two of them, actually," Paul said, brandishing the paper. "One here about 'Ask Mr. Sherwood' and one about 'Jackboot Gonzales.'"
"No, there's a third, where he says 'Hose Ambrose!'" Leah pointed to the classified section. "Never mind that I've got two years left on my term before anyone gets to vote against me."
"Didn't exactly talk him out of throwing his money away, did you, Leah?" Paul teased. "No wonder Gunter likes you."
"Actually, Kim took that ad a couple of–OW!" Leah winced as a boot dug again into her shin.
"Who?"
"Danny took that ad a couple of weeks ago," Leah said, rubbing her leg and glaring slightly at Tad.
"So he's planning ahead now?" Gary asked.
"Who?" Leah's confusion was evident.
"Will Garrett is planning these ahead now?" Gary repeated.
"Yeah, I think he is. Last paper before the election, you know," Leah said.
"Oh, that's right! No wonder it's so fat," Mack said, taking it from Paul.
"You know, I was teasing Will about these the other day, and he swears he doesn't really know where they're coming from," Walt, silent until now, said thoughtfully.
"Will Garrett or Will Colson?" Tom asked his son-in-law.
"Garrett, of course. Don't you remember Colson took out that one ad when all of this started that all of his advertising would have his first AND last name?" Leah said.
"Oh, that's right, he did," Walt said. "But no, it was Colson I was talking to. BUT, he told me he'd talked to Garrett about it and Garrett said it wasn't him, either."
"But the ads showed up right after he got popped for a leash law violation while he and his dog were crossing the street," Gary said.
"He put in the first one, but the rest are coming from somewhere else, he says. Or Colson says he says. Right, Leah?" Walt continued.
"I don't have that much to do with ads, guys. I'm out of the office a lot," Leah explained, "Obviously..." she gestured around the room, taking in her friends, the tables, the coffee.
"But you're the editor, and doesn't the editor do most of the ads?" Gary looked genuinely puzzled.
"Well, yeah... But... I... I..."
"You got her there, Gary!" Rex said. "She's just messing with us again. It is, too, Garrett, isn't it? Don't shit a bunch of old shitters, schnookie."
"Wouldn't dream of it, schnookie," Leah fired back.
"So who was it bought all those ads?" Rex fired back at her.
"Um... C'mon, give me a break. Can I expect you to account for who bought every single hunk of hardware you've sold in the last few weeks?"
Rex's mouth fell open a moment before he found a reply. "No. But: A. You're what, 20 years younger than me? and B: I certainly remember the weird ones."
"Well, all of mine are weird ones," Leah said.
"Hey, wait a minute," Tad said. "I, I..."
"You resemble that remark!" Gary said.
"Well, he's definitely weird," Mack agreed with his cousin. "Look at this ad he took out. 'If you don't buy something, I'm laying myself off this week sale.' What the hell kind of ad is that?"
"One that works! Now I can tell who's actually reading the thing," Tad said proudly.
"Why not just run a coupon like everybody else?" Mack said.
"Takes people too much effort, and not enough people want what the coupon offers. Old hat. On the other hand," Tad said, holding a hand out towards Leah, who took it and shook it, "Everybody that sees something like that has to make a smart remark.
"So I have a very good idea of how many people pay attention to the ads." He finished.
"Hey, that's actually pretty smart," Gary said.
"I can't take credit for it," Tad said. "It was all Leah's idea."
"What?" Leah burst out.
"Shh, trying to do you a favor, honey," Tad said, patting her on the shoulder.
"Hah! Now I know how he gets the good ad placements!" Rex said, narrowing his eyes in mock suspicion.
Leah's head snapped around to regard her friend. "What are you talking about, Wainwright?" she demanded. "You've had a lock on that big space on the back page for as long as I've been alive."
"Just making an observation," Rex said, looking innocently up at the ceiling. "You're leaping to conclusions. Leaping." He moved his hand to mimic a fish jumping out of the water. "I never said I didn't get good placements, I just said now I know how HE gets them."
It was Leah's jaw's turn to fall. "Well, OK."
"So hey," Walt said. "Why does Garrett want to Hose Ambrose?"
"Oh, he's still on about the leash law stuff and how it's a rotten town where you don't see a dog in front of the hardware store, blah blah blah," Leah said.
"There's a dog in front of the lumberyard," Paul said.
"Yeah, there is. But she's not telling you the whole story. He's picking on her because of that silly thing she wrote in the paper last year about the 'Dogs of Main Street' and how we all miss them so much," Gary crowed.
"How can we miss them when they're still there? Well, except for poor old Bernie at the barber shop – and he died of plain old age last May!" Leah said hotly.
"Keyboard, keyboard," Rex grinned, pointing toward Leah. "Look at that keyboard!"
"Lots of space between the buttons," Tad agreed, peering toward Leah's chest. "But I only see two buttons."
"Shit, Tad, now she's closing her shirt. You've got a lot to learn about Leah-baiting," Rex shook a disappointed finger Tad's way.
"Betcha don't do that when Kevin's here!" Tad shook a finger back at Rex.
"Are you kidding? Kevin usually starts it!" Gary said.
"Jesus, what did you guys talk about before I started coming here?" Leah said, sitting up straighter and squaring her shoulders.
"Deirdre's cleavage, mostly," Rex said. "But she kicks harder than you do."
"She never kicked me," Walt said.
"Nor me," Tom said.
"I don't recall her kicking anybody," Gary said. "Nor Leah, for that matter."
"Just a figure of speech," Rex plead.
"Maybe I should start," Leah said.
"I bet she kicks in–OW!" Rex said, reaching down to rub his shin. To his surprise, Leah did the same.
"Tad, you got me, too, dammit. Nice try, though," she said to Tad.
"All right, kiddies, that's enough. Listen up. One to 1000."
"511," Tom said.
"Tom, honey, you've got to watch it. You always pick that number. One of these days it's going to be IT," Leah cautioned.
"But not today. 511 to 1000," Gary said to Walt.
"611," Walt grinned.
"611 to 1000," Gary said to Mack.
"711."
"611 to 711, Tad."
"Oh, goodie. I think 666," Tad said with a giggle.
"Nice number, but it's not it. 666 to 711, Leah."
Grinning wickedly at Rex, Leah said "7-0-9."
"Dammit, schnookie, one of these days–" Rex began, but Gary interrupted him.
"666 to 709, Wainwright."
"Oh. 704," Rex said.
"666 to 704," Gary said.
"Oh... how about 680," Paul said.
Gary sighed. "OK, 680 to 704, Walt."
"689."
"689 to 704."
"Was that 700?" Tom asked.
"704," Gary said patiently.
"700?" Tom said, a little hesitantly.
"No, 689 to 704."
"Yeah. 700," Tom said a little more decisively.
"Oh, you mean you're picking 700?" Gary asked.
"Yes. 700."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"That's a winner," Gary said. "Give me a letter."
"Oh, how about... X."
Gary named off the letters from Tom's left. "Y, Z, A, that's you, Tad."
"Oh, I knew I was bound to win something today," Tad said with mock glee, throwing down his tip and getting out of his chair. "Suzie, what's my damage?"
As the rest filed out for the day, Leah hung behind a moment.
"Tad?" she said as Tad got his change back from the waitress and said good bye to Tom and Walt.
"Yes, ma'am!"
"Have you got a moment?"
"For you, always, my love," Tad said, sitting back down and pouring himself the dregs from the nearest carafe.
"Do... do those guys think I'm the editor now?" Leah asked, sitting next to him.
"Well, there you are on the masthead thingie," Tad began.
"No, I mean, since before Kim–"
"Oh! So you at least still remember Kim."
"Well, of course. I worked for the guy for a couple years, how could I not?"
"Well, no one else does, if you haven't noticed."
"Actually, yeah, I have, but I really thought it was everyone just funning with me. Long tradition of that sort of thing, especially with this crew. Did they ever tell you about the time they turned Matt MacArthur's corral into the 'New MacArthur Landfill?'"
"No. Sounds like a good story. But I really don't think they're pulling your leg. Hey, Suzie, have you got last week's paper anywhere around? Thanks, hon."
"Why do you want last week's paper?" Leah asked.
"I have a suspicion," Tad said. "Do you save your notes or anything like that?"
"We have a file where we're supposed to stuff 'em for each week, but that's so behind the times. I usually just plug my laptop into the printer and print them out when I get time on Wednesdays or Thursdays. I take all my notes on my laptop. Why?"
"Still got your notes from when you talked to the coroner?"
"Yeah, fat lot of good they do me. I probably couldn't even get that stuff into the Weekly World News."
"Make sure you still have them. That's probably why you still remember. Ah, here we go. Look at this, Leah my dear. Notice anything weird?"
"Just last week's paper."
"How many stories did you have on Page One?"
"Just the thing about that whacko gubernatorial candidate and the teasers for inside. It was a big article, a big deal, having that guy, and what with Kim dying and all– Oh my god, I see what you mean!"
"Where's the other page one story? The one about your editor dying?"
"What the– Suzie? Is this the same paper we've had laying around all week?"
"Yeah. I was getting ready to throw it out, since there's a new one and all."
"Look at the editorial page, too, Leah," Tad said.
"Holy shit. It says I'm the editor. Man, I left that alone out of respect for Kim!"
"There is definitely something funny going on here, little girl," Tad said.
"I wonder if Danny did this?"
"Did Danny make that whole Page One story go away, too? AFTER it was printed and distributed?"
"Holy shit," Leah said again. "I gotta go see if the other papers are like this."
"Check your laptop, too. Make sure your notes and stuff are still in there. Anyone else ever use it?"
"No. Sometimes I plug it into the paper's LAN to share files with the boys, but..."
"LAN?"
"Local Area Network. Let's us swap files and stuff. Like making all of our computers into one big one."
"Ooh, don't connect it. Something could happen to your notes, couldn't it?"
"Well, it would be a long shot, but..." Leah thought for a moment. "I see what you mean. Talk about long shots."
"Pretty long shot," Tad nodded.
"Hey... How come you remember him and none of the other guys do?" Leah said, gesturing around the empty chairs.
"Well, I only talked to Kim on the phone once, but I never really met him in person, so there's not much for me to forget."
"That... that makes no sense at all... But none of this does. Tell you what, I'm going to go check the leftover copies of last week's paper back in the office and the morgue–"
"Morgue?"
"Where we store back issues of the paper," Leah explained. "I'm going to go check those, and maybe talk to Danny a little bit and see where his head is at. Can I call you later about all this?"
"Anytime."
"Cool. I'll, uh... I'll see you later."

TUESDAY III - October 30

"Jeeze, I've been busier than a one-armed paper hanger," Tad said, walking into the cantina. "What have I missed."
"Oh, nothing really," Gary said.
"Anybody else in that haunted house tomorrow night?" Tad asked eagerly.
"Hell no," Gary said.
"Even I got out of it this year," Rex chuckled.
"Oh, I wound up helping Ellen haul some stuff," Kevin said ruefully, "And she asked if I didn't want to help scare some children, but I said no, I really didn't."
"What a mean dad you are!" Deirdre accused. "What if she really needed you?"
"She didn't 'really need me,' she just asked," Kevin said. "And I gave her my honest answer."
"Damn straight," Gary said. "Time those girls started picking on someone their own age."
"From what I can put together there isn't anyone their age here," Tad said.
"Not my problem, not my fault," Gary said, setting his mouth firmly. "I had kids and they just didn't choose to live here."
"So what's the latest on the dead guy?" Tad said, sensing a coming taboo subject.
"Which one?" Paul asked. "We got two up on the funeral board at the church."
"They're having Huffnagle's funeral at your church?" Tad asked, frowning.
"Huffnagle... no. Old Reggie Weems and Mabel Vasey died up at the nursing home over the weekend. Damned shame, too. I hear the same little girl found both of them," Paul said.
"What about Huffnagle?" Tad asked.
"Who?"
"The newspaper guy."
"Danny? He's fine. I just saw him this morning. He forgot to pick up my ad again. Why Leah didn't fire that knucklehead years ago I'll never know," Gary said.
"Too soft-hearted," Rex said.
"No, no, I'm talking about the other – never mind. I'll ask Leah later," Tad backed down.
"You know, that guy has the most beautiful girlfriend I've ever seen," Caleb said. "You really got to wonder what she's doing with that guy."
"Maybe he's her dealer," Kevin said.
"Hadn't thought of that," Caleb said.
"What guy are we talking about now?" Walt asked.
"Danny Zabrowskie. That dumbass kid that works for Leah over at the paper," Caleb said.
"Oh, him. Why'd she hire him, anyway?" Walt mused.
"I think he had a really good resume," Kevin said. "If I recall correctly. And he interviewed pretty well."
"Wouldn't it have been the editor that hired him?" Tad asked, still puzzled.
"Leah is the editor," Kevin said. "Has been for, oh, quite a while now. We're very proud, Marion and me. One girl running the paper, the other running the chamber."
"Hey, yeah, are they twins?" Tad asked.
"A lot of people think so, but actually Ellen is three years older," Kevin said.
"But anyway... how long has Leah been the editor of the paper, Kevin?" Tad resumed.
"Oh, a couple years now. She moved back from Chicago to take the job in... Let's see... was it '99?..."
"Done an okay job, too," Gary said. "Even if she does goober up my ads sometimes."
Tad frowned at all of this, but said nothing as his attention was quickly diverted by the entrance of a giant brown dog and a much smaller brown man.
"Well, Roger, look at you! got some sun, didn't you?" Gary asked as the lumber yard manager sat down.
"Yes, yes I did. Got engaged, too, as a matter of fact," Roger beamed.
"You didn't!" Rex said. "I thought Lily had more sense than that!"
"Wore her down," Rex said. "And plunked down some pretty serious money on a rock. Persuasive things, those rocks."
"How did you propose? I love this shit," Deirdre demanded, hanging up her coat.
"Nothing fancy, just asked her at dinner the last night of our vacation. We'd talked about it a little before, after all."
"Did you set a date?" Deirdre asked, sitting down.
"No, not yet."
"Did you tell Leah so she can get it in the paper?"
"No, not yet. It just happened, jeeze!"
"Well, congratulations!"
"Thank you," Roger nodded and waved at Suzie. "Hey, can I get some toast?"
"Yeah! A toast!" Deirdre snickered, raising her coffee cup. The others followed suit.
"Another idiot bites the dust," Gary said. "What do you want to go and do that for?"
"I did it before, if you recall, and I kind of liked it," Roger shrugged.
"Well, I at least hope she likes your dog," Gary said, petting Mark absently.
"Does she ever!" Deirdre enthused. "Got a chocolate lab puppy herself a few months ago, didn't she? Oh god, there's going to be two of them in the same house!"
"And the same neighborhood," Gary said. "Old Miss Kelley had better really watch her chickens now!"
"It was only one time, and it was only one chicken, now!" Roger shook his finger at Gary. "And it could have been my neighbor's lab. We don't know it was Mark."
"Weren't there bloody feathers found in Mark's doghouse that evening?" Kevin asked, his eyes narrowed.
"Could have been a pillow," Roger said, somewhat defensively.
"A pillow!" Rex snorted. "That's good, Roger. A pillow!"
"Well, anyway, Mark much prefers toast, right Roger?" Deirdre said, reaching over to pet the dog herself.
"So ANYWAY," Roger tried to change the subject. "Everyone figured out who they're voting for next Tuesday?"
"Like you even have to ask," Gary said with disgust.
"Yeah, it's easy. We vote in Sammy Asher so he can fire the football coach, we write in Buford so he can fire the police chief," Rex enumerated on his fingers, "Who we missing."
"Freudenthal so he can fire the Director of Corrections," Deirdre added.
"Freudenthal so he can fire Uphoff," Rex nodded. "And let's see, is Leah up for re-election, Kevin?"
"No, she's got two more years on her term."
"Oh good, so let's write her in for Congress!" Rex said gleefully.
"You know, one of these days she's going to hand you your ass on a plate," Deirdre said.
"She's got to find my ass first, and she always says I haven't got one," Rex said.
"Oh, you're not that skinny," Deirdre snorted.
"In all seriousness, though," Roger said. "What about the mayoral election. Do we keep Sherwood or what?"
"Well, the only difference I can see between Sherwood and that Colson character is that Sherwood occasionally thinks for himself, while Colson doesn't even try to think without Millie and Gonzales telling him what to do."
"That's not entirely true," Kevin said. "He voted against hiring that one kid the Gonzales wanted to put on the force."
"Only because the other guy up for consideration was his own nephew," Rex said.
"Grand nephew," Gary said.
"Same thing," Rex said.
"Basically."
"I didn't know that kid was his nephew," Kevin said. "Hmm."
"Yeah, but isn't Colson related to like half the town?" Deirdre asked.
"So aren't we all," Caleb said. "You're even related to a good bunch of it."
"Only by marriage," Deirdre said.
"Yeah, but when your sister married Roger's brother you became part of the biggest clan in the valley," Caleb said.
"Only by marriage," Deirdre repeated.
"I think that kid was Colson's grand nephew by marriage," Rex said, thinking back. "Family harmony is family harmony," he shrugged.
"True," Deirdre said.
"Anyway, Leah asked me to please vote for Sherwood again, and that's good enough for me," Rex said. "She's the one who has to deal with them all. I just deal with the planning commission."
"Say, yeah, that reminds me – when do I get my sign permit?" Tad asked.
"What sign permit?" Rex asked back.
"The one I applied for before I even moved here. I'm doing these really pretty signs for the grocery store. They light up and everything, so that parking lot won't be so dark anymore."
"First I've heard about it," Rex admitted.
"Must still be on the zoning officer's desk along with Mack's protest of Jim Morris's setback variance," Gary groused.
"Maybe so. I'll look into it," Rex said.
"I'd appreciate it. I've already spent a bit on the designs and stuff," Tad said.
"Don't hold your breath," Gary said.
Tad inhaled and puffed out his cheeks, then let it go with a laugh.
"Whatever. All right, listen up, you clowns –" Gary began.